who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
