Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
