Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
