Your dad touched me again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
