Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
