Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
