The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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