I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
