the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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