dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
