i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
