careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my liver is dry heaving
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
