I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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