i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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