The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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