is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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