seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
