it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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