Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
