if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
