I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
