Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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