Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
