Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
