Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
