There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
