I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
