Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
