and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
