How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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