If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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