I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
