You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
