i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
