are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
