Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
