my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
