From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
