I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
