i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
