Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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