I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
