she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
