Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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