pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
