I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
