is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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