I have demons in me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
