im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
