You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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