Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
