you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
