Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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