Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
